when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
