Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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