dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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