did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
