Who wears a wallet chain?!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
be right there i have to get my cape
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
