He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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