On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
