I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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