Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
