I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
