as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
