Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize