you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
