dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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