The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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