dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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