I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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