they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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