i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
