yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
