I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize