By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
