Do you still have your period?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
