was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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