I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
