pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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