Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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