it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
