how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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