it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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