...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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