I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
