Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I stole a fireplace last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
