Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
i now understand why vodka
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