theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I understand Curling. That high.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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