she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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