dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
His nipple licking is glorious
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
