my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
