It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
