Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
even my farts smell like vagina
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
