happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
