Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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