the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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