All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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