I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He is an equal opportunity slut.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
