someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
