his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
