Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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