Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
