I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
