He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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