i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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