How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
North Korea, Best Korea!
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
