I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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