i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
