Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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