I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
FUCK WHALES
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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