Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
