So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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