Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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