i think my tv is drunk
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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