She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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